Monday, August 17, 2009
♥ i still want to continue living.
was so lost and needing help, but i realise there's no one that i can turn to.
my life is pathetic as well yeah?
it's wierd to be there for others but never have others there for me.
verge of giving up on this hopeless world.
no matter how "helpful" people may seem or may not even seen,
they are eventually only there for themselves.i was mean towards one person and i regretted being mean.
but now i realise, i dont have to feel guilty because
1. i dont really know you
2. i dont hold a respnsibility towards you
3. so whether you wan die or live on, it's really none of my business
you are just another person that i have wanted to help, i am not saying i have a big heart or wad.
but enlightenment tells me that there's no need for me to do so, because well, people are expected to be selfish, so why be kind right.i was so pissed with you in class. and yet i have to pretend as if i do not hate you, when in fact i do. i wanted to scolded you back so much. but the thought of losing another fren and gaining an enemy because of this BU SHUANG-NESS is so stupid. i controlled, still, i feel like a total asshole deep down inside.i feel like some asshole for feeling angry when im once again, daoed. but yeah, come to think of it again, who cares about bothering to reply people when it's reply-able, it's supposedly not their responsibility anw. i should totally get use to it.i dont know how i should face this world,
i can totally feel a double character generating from within me.
everything is a facade.
the pathetic part and parcel of life.*/ chilled and relaxed.feeling kinnda glad cos i was not burnt to dead. the whole house still smells of overburnt gas. like the CHAO TA smell. and i feel super engulfed in it. stomach hurts like crap cos i prolly sniffed in too much of the poisonous gas. O.o but yeah, im still not dead. was super shocked by this whole incident. it's dam dramatic cos i was in a daze throughout the whole thing- when the 9th floor uncle started banging lyk shit on the door; i opened the door; the 9th floor uncle start scolding me; the scdf people came in; police came in. I WAS TOTALLY CONFUSED AND SHOCKED. then they opened the windows; look for the source of the overwhelming smoke, IT IS THE OVERBOILED SOUP, TOTALLY BOILED DRY, WHOLE POT BLACK, THANKS TO HIM MANZXZ-.-; took his particulars, cos apparently they thought he was older-.-"older brother" leaving all the scolding shit to me, and leaving me to handle all the questions and ARGH. how nice. then someone from hdb i think came but my parents werent home yet. so i supposed a warning letter would come our way soon. ahaah-.-2nd time manzxzx. how suay.the first was the altar totally burnt up. all the way to the main door. half of the door was gone btw-.-i guessed i learnt alot from this whole thing. like how to cope with all this sudden breakout and i should defnitely be awake next time and never leave the stove to my brother when he's playing comp. goodness-.- and i should go heal my nose so that i can discover the smoke earlier-.- sleeping with a bad nose is so freaking dangerous. you sniff the smoke and you think you're still sniffing in oxygen O.o and best, i should speak clearer. i called my mother, crying, i said something “拉...”then she thought i kena raped-.- then when i said "火烧..." she thought the whole house burnt. i have got such a cute mother. lol;)i survived this ORDEAL and i should totally love my life cos i realised being dead is not good. i havent do so many thingsss!!!